A poem and note, amidst thoughts in disarray
The Poem: Fighting Inevitability
The dreaded feeling swells up inside
I am alone, full of longing
The lingering desire gnaws on me
The entire fabric of my being shivers
I search for answers, fruitlessly
I beseech faces, but cold masks look at me instead.
Doubt clouds my thoughts.
Am I incapable of stirring up warmth?
Or are the ones I seek dead inside?
Perhaps they are content already.
I am the friendly djinn
To be summoned when required,
Disposed when no longer useful.
The fire rages, stoking my insides.
I toss and turn in bed,
horny and delusional - disturbing images,
flitting by, at the speed of light.
A teardrop wells up
And slowly trickles down my right eye
A sad foreboding overpowers me
I submit to the sad eventuality.
The flames flicker and die
In the deluge that follows
The end seems imminent
Full of murkiness, and frost.
But a tiny tinder awakens
The suppressed spirit stirs slowly
And rises into a storm
Of fire and light, full of vitality
“Thou shalt not submit
To the ordinary and mundane
For thou art the seeker
Of chaos and energy”
It bellows from within
I dust off the dampness
The darkness within dispels
And I continue, on the path
Yet untrodden, but full of possibilities,
And hope of the unseen, the unknown.
The Note: The Idiot
I am not the sum of the parts people believe me to be. But I am part of the whole. I haven’t found my place, my role in it. I am lost like “The Idiot” who was torn between his love for Nastasya Fillipona and Lydia. I am one of those fools unable to distinguish between the two sides of a coin. What difference does it make anyway – the coin needs it two sides to complete itself. Else it will be a fake. I am a vestigial organ in this world body. An idealist following notions that normal people can’t relate with. I care about things which people are scared to think about, or don’t have time to spare, in their busy lives. Will I be able to create a niche for myself here, my safe haven? Only time will tell. Till then I keep wandering, meandering within and without.
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