Discovering the "I" in India
Last night, I had a conversation with a friend of mine, about living my life unplanned, and disappearing from the face of the earth (for all the people I know at least), for a period of time. I have had a lingering desire to travel alone, living off the land, by myself. Seems the only way to discover the diversity of this vast country. Even a lifetime would be too short for such an endeavor. It seems a very romantic idea, a thought that has been drawing me ever closer. However, having a dream and actually living it are two different things. Should I have a plan of how I want to go about this journey of a lifetime? But then, the whole purpose of taking each day as it comes seems to be defeated. This will be bigger than any other adventure I have undertaken, I won't have any one behind my back. I will have to fend for myself. Just thinking about it gives me goosebumps.
The idea of spending time in solitude still seems unreal. All our lives we have lived in a safe haven with friends and family, well cared and provided for. We live in the age of technology and affluence. I have never ever encountered deprivation. If I think about it, every breath I take, I owe it to somebody else. Such thoughts fill me with a sense of helplessness, my insignificance in the greater scheme of things. All my lofty ideals and values seem hypocritical. I have a habit of putting the blame for everything on the society. But lately I have come to accept that I am a part of it as well, however minuscule. That is the primary reason I want to detach myself from everything and have a solitary existence. For how long, I am not sure. Even now, I spend time alone, wandering around on my own, collecting my thoughts. But then I always come back to places where I feel at home.
The purpose of a solo trip is more about discovering myself than discovering the outer world. And I feel lucky to be born in a country where I can travel just a 100 kilometers and come across completely different cultures and geography. Looking at this plurality from a singular perspective without any bias may help me find what I am looking for. It still seems quite uncertain whether I will succeed, for I am not sure of what I want. I consider myself nongregarious, but still I revel in the company of people. Its the kind of paradox I want to understand the meaning of. While reading a book I discovered the following quote:
"Mountains are the means, the man is the end. The goal is not to reach the top of the mountains, but to improve the man."
The path to self actualization is not an easy one I guess. Not for a hedonistic being like me anyways. But I want to flounder on it, to gauge where I stand. To transcend our desires and emotions, and understand the true meaning of our existence, all seem very fantastic notions. But to tread on that path leaving the cushions of our safety net behind takes some doing.
The idea of spending time in solitude still seems unreal. All our lives we have lived in a safe haven with friends and family, well cared and provided for. We live in the age of technology and affluence. I have never ever encountered deprivation. If I think about it, every breath I take, I owe it to somebody else. Such thoughts fill me with a sense of helplessness, my insignificance in the greater scheme of things. All my lofty ideals and values seem hypocritical. I have a habit of putting the blame for everything on the society. But lately I have come to accept that I am a part of it as well, however minuscule. That is the primary reason I want to detach myself from everything and have a solitary existence. For how long, I am not sure. Even now, I spend time alone, wandering around on my own, collecting my thoughts. But then I always come back to places where I feel at home.
The purpose of a solo trip is more about discovering myself than discovering the outer world. And I feel lucky to be born in a country where I can travel just a 100 kilometers and come across completely different cultures and geography. Looking at this plurality from a singular perspective without any bias may help me find what I am looking for. It still seems quite uncertain whether I will succeed, for I am not sure of what I want. I consider myself nongregarious, but still I revel in the company of people. Its the kind of paradox I want to understand the meaning of. While reading a book I discovered the following quote:
"Mountains are the means, the man is the end. The goal is not to reach the top of the mountains, but to improve the man."
The path to self actualization is not an easy one I guess. Not for a hedonistic being like me anyways. But I want to flounder on it, to gauge where I stand. To transcend our desires and emotions, and understand the true meaning of our existence, all seem very fantastic notions. But to tread on that path leaving the cushions of our safety net behind takes some doing.
:-)
ReplyDeletehmmm... pretty deep thinking you have been doing :)
ReplyDeleteScary thought actually, going on a solo journey and fending for yourself. Enticing and inviting as is sounds, i'd be extremely panic stricken if i do actually go in for it. But you for one person i know, who would be able to pull this off, even with your clumsy blunders ;)
The scariest part is letting go of people who I care for. To think about the anxiety that they will be put through is what I have to steel myself against. But that is one of the things I endeavor to achieve. Everything else will probably take care of itself. Being without books, phone, laptop and any connectivity is unimaginable as well, but I will have to do that to be free of any bonds that I have. I am still in two minds about camera and laptop though - want to document things that I experience.
ReplyDelete:) Good one bro...
ReplyDeleteLet the wanderlust vagabond in you set sail off the safe harbor & into the wild.. :) for there is a mystery worth unearthing along every trail.
Not sure if our paths would meet, all the same keep writing.
o mere romantic fool.... i dont really understand whats so special about solitude..why do i need to isolate myself from everyone i know to achieve self-actualization...is it a case of letting go of all the daily chores and to actually get some time to think...dont think we need to be v drastic to achieve tht goal...or is it a case of simply getting lost in the crowd free from all the strings..tht sounds stupid, we may like it for a day or two but we all need an I otherwise we get lost, loose purpose.''
ReplyDeleteIf its about discovering the diversity of this great country tht can always be achieved while having a job, friends and family..
this is like a classic mean reversion equation with the mean being our daily monotonous social lives and then we always have these spikes, these urges of solitude, tht feeling of being strangled which can be overwhelming...but we always come back, doesnt tht mean something...man always remains a social being...solitude is over rated, we desire it coz its different, and even when Into the Wild sounds so romantic all i remember is the stupid guy dying at the end who confused self-destruction with self-realization...
I don't deny that man is a social being. And we depend on society for all our needs. I don't mind being called a fool. But I believe there is something else to our life apart from mathematics, logic and economics. All our life till now we have been caught in these three things. But there are things beyond logic which I think you never want to admit. I don't want to find a solution to every problem. For each problem is defined by a conditioned opinion. I just want there to be times when I satisfied and am in a state where I have no questions, my mind is blank.
ReplyDeleteWhen one is alone is when one can introspect. Trying to understand who one is and what is the meaning of his or her existence is, what we all seek. Just existing for the sake of it is the basest form of living. The next level is when you influence the lives of others. But even with all the influence and control, one is still not satisfied. I don't know what is above it, but that is what I want to try and find out. All of this seems very stupid and philosophical to a common person. But it makes sense to me. I want to de-condition myself, to look at the world from infant's perspective. And wandering around, observing people and places I have never been to, will perhaps widen my perspective, and help me in that regard.
As for the guy in "Into the Wild", he did realize he wanted to live, to go back to the people he really cared for. He had set out on a journey, rebelling against the will of his parents, to look at the world from a different perspective. He had his reasons and he stood firm on them. He was young, and brash, but he wanted to live his life his way. And that is what I like about him. As for his death, it was a combination of overconfidence, bad judgment and in a way pure bad lack.
There is no end to this discussion, but its always good to have someone's else's perspective. And to assimilate what someone else is saying in an unbiased manner is very important. But perhaps most of us are incapable of such a thing
Dont think thr comes a time when questions end. We can maybe stop thinking abt them, hide from them, run from them, but they are still thr. Waiting for you to get back to your senses and start the problem solving game again. Why do we do it when we know thr is no end. Well coz thats what we do. Its a natural instinct. We need an answer for everything. Every puzzle needs to be solved.
ReplyDeleteExistentionalism, now thats a tricky road. I do believe it is v important for every person to seek the answer to the question - "who they are". But i do feel the answer to that lies in the boundaries of our society coz we are essentially shaped by what we see. We have been conditioned deeply and i think any attempt at de-conditioning is futile. Society needs conditioning for its existence and we need society for our existence. Its a mutually beneficial relation.
Well I had a feeling you would take a potshot at the questions part. Every puzzle cannot be solved by you is what I am trying to say. One can't even figure out the puzzle that life is. Rather than trying to solve everything, we pick up problems which seem interesting to us. The degree of difficulty of that problem might be different for different problems. Not being able to solve a problem also doesn't mean one has failed in life. Not everything can be classified as 0 or 1.
ReplyDeleteFor everyone the biggest problem that always seems to be is to prove their worth. To oneself, to the society - the road never ends. I have nothing to prove to anyone. I am not trying to hide from anyone either. There was a time when I wanted to escape. I wanted to complain. No more that state. I just want to look beyond the horizon. But only when you detach yourself from a system, can you figure out how it looks from the outside. Otherwise you will always have a biased opinion.
I have a feeling all of us just think too much. People who are able to control what they are thinking are the ones who are able to get their brains to work usefully. But to stop thinking is not easy - and that is what I am trying to find out. Society needs conditioning for its existence, but to truly discover something new, you need to think out of the box, which is essentially leaving behind all your pre-conditions. Just saying that its futile, is taking the easy way out. But then we all have been conditioned to be lazy haven't we?