Alter Ego
Each of us has two different beings inside us. One is the learned, conditioned and conscious mind. The other is the unconscious, instinctive, untamed animal spirit. And there is a constant tussle between the two. The animal hates discipline, while the mind likes control and order. When we are born, the animal part is stronger. But the external stimulus from parents and society trains us to tame the beast. As we “mature”, the beast is restrained further, and grows weaker. It is unchained in a confined space inside our brains when we sleep, manifesting our dreams.
I feel I have a stronger animal spirit than most people. My mind is strong too, and my parents trained it well. Later, when my consciousness was strong enough to learn by itself, I realized about this other one inside me. The first few times I saw its ferocity, I was terrified. I tried to seal it, keep it hidden. But he sought freedom, desired chaos. I grew up from a boy into a man, and with my insatiable desire for information, my mental abilities improved. But instead of weakening, the animal inside me grew stronger as well. I couldn’t keep it chained anymore. It would burst out now and then. I needed a different strategy against this one. I realized a symbiotic relationship was the only way out. It’s a slow process of attaining harmony, but I can already see it working. I have greater control over my moods, and have become calmer. But we are not friends yet. Each of us scares the other, and the distrust flares up each time my physical or mental state is unstable. Who said that the path to self actualization was going to be easy? It’s a difficult path I walk on, hoping to be one within and outside, but I am not sure whether I will succeed. But its worth the effort.
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