Childhood Sweetheart

4:07 PM Mallikarjun 1 Comments

There was this girl I knew when I was small. She was exceedingly pretty. At least I thought so. She was also taller than me, as were all kids in the neighborhood. And she talked to me unlike the other children, who thought I was a weirdo. She was curious about this tiny, bony, shy, introvert boy with dreamy eyes I guess, who she found staring at her all the time. “Why do you keep looking at me?” she asked walking towards me, “Is there something on my face?” I was scared I would get beaten again, that she was a bully like the others. So I got up from my perch and ran as fast as I could. I could always run. And climb trees. To escape from people. To the safety of my home, where I was all alone, barring my storybooks, picture books, sketch books and my toys – Lego, Junior Engineer, Hot Wheels, Kitchen Maker, Doctor Doctor to name a few. I liked my den and I liked to dream.

That was our first conversation. Or rather, the first time she talked to me. This started a chain of events. I would go to the park daily for I felt restless in the evening. I craved for activity. I would climb the tallest tree there to the shock and amazement of all kids and parents. Some of them would scream or the elders shout at me that it was dangerous. They threatened to complain to my parents, for I was giving their children the wrong ideas. But I lived quite far from that park and no one knew my parents, so I never worried. I liked observing the little world inside the park from up there, feeling that from up there I could control it like a puppeteer. I felt smug being at a place where no one could touch me. But that day, suddenly I heard someone call out to me. “Hi!” she said. It was the girl. She was walking towards me, smiling absent – mindedly I thought, as most kids do. Suddenly my position wasn’t advantageous anymore. I had nowhere to run. My body started to shake and I felt I would fall. “What is your name?” Silence. “Why don’t you play with us? How did you get up there? Aren’t you scared?” “My name is Chanda. I live right across the gate to the park. I study in City Montessori High School. Which school are you in?” Oh, so many questions. She would not leave me alone, ignoring the frown on my face. It was a contest of patience, and I had the higher ground. She was feisty as well, but it grew dark and she had to go, after her parents called. The park was dark and empty when I got down. But I wasn’t scared, I never was. The dark sheltered and nurtured me.

The next few days I wandered along some other streets and to the river, my other haunt. But the girl bothered me. I went back to the park, trying to stay as inconspicuous as possible. But I underestimated my foe. I had dozed off in the bush, when I felt a warm hand on my cheeks. “You will catch a cold here.” The sun had set. “Let’s go to my place.” She held my hand and led me on. “Chanda are you back?” “Yes Mummy, I have a friend from the park. I will be playing in my room.” I was staring at my feet, not sure what to do. When we looked up, we were in her room. I felt I was in another world altogether. Was I dreaming? The walls were bright purple, and there was a table, a bed, some books and lots of toys, all arranged neatly. Definitely a girl’s room. I hardly spoke, but she kept talking. “Tell me your name.” “Kailash,” I mumbled. “Let’s play something. You like Housey?” I shook my head. I had never played any games with anyone. “Let’s read a book then. You want Champak, or comics?” She put a stack of books on my lap.

“Where do you stay?”

“Nandan Nagar.”

“Where is that?”

“Quite far.”

“How do you come?”

“I run.”

“Are there no friends in your colony?” Another shake of the head.

“Deepak and Bittu said you were a bad boy, but I don’t think so. I like you.” I felt ill at ease. I wanted to run, but didn’t know how to do it. “I have to go. It’s late.” “Let’s play something tomorrow. Or we can go to your house, and we can play with your toys.” Her mom gave me some biscuits and sharbat, which I quietly had, and then got up to go. She came to the gate, and from behind the bars shouted “I’ll see you tomorrow. Bye!” I waved my hand silently, and realized I didn’t want to go home, but just stand there with her, saying nothing. At home I was alone again. I took the food out of the fridge, heated it and ate. But I had no appetite. I couldn’t sleep. Then I dreamt of castles, and princesses.

Next day I was in the park again, but on level earth. The boys looked at me defensively, for I was an outsider in their midst. But Chanda took my hand and dragged me in, and we played. I was “den” or “it”, playing Lock and Key. I started enjoying it. I was faster than all of them, and soon had all of them pinned. Everyone was impressed. I had opened up, laughing and screaming. I wasn’t scared of them anymore. I was a part of the gang. I’d play there every day now. And then go to Chanda’s house sometimes. Her mom was nice to me, and didn’t ask too many questions like other parents.

She had asked to come to my house, but I always evaded it. One day, after playing, I was going back home, a little early. “I am coming with you too. I asked Mummy and she said if I promise to be back by 8, I can go.” “It’s too far”, I said. “We will take a rickshaw.” “I like to walk.” “Then I will walk with you and nonchalantly held my hand.” It was dark by the time we reached home. I put on the lights. “Where are your Mummy – Papa?” “They are here only on weekends.” “Who cooks food then?” “A maid does it.” “Who drops you to school?” “I go by myself.” I took her to my den, the basement. “It’s quite dark here”, she said. “I like it that way.” “You have so many books!” “I love books.” “I can’t sit for more than half an hour with a book.” “I am hungry!” “Wait I will make noodles.”Later I took her in a rickshaw back home. Another fitful night full of dreams ensued. But I felt light and happy next morning. No nightmares anymore.

We would hang out a lot together. After school I would go to her house, and sketch. We would finish homework, and then play games or enact a story, or read comics. I was happy as I was never before. The bright sunshine didn’t trouble me anymore. I was happy to be out, especially with her. I got my parents to paint my room in bright colours. They were surprised and happy to see me with a friend. She was not the normal stereotypical girl. She didn’t play with dolls, she like cars and guns and He-Man. She always laughed at my antics, rather than thinking I was weird as other children did. She was special.

In the summer of 6th standard, my parents and I went for a vacation to Nainital. It was my first vacation with them. I fell in love with the mountains at first sight. I had to go back and tell her about all that I had seen. I wanted to show her my sketches, in some of which I had imagined us there and drawn it.

I ran to her house the same evening we reached home. But when I saw her I almost didn’t recognize her. She seemed different. Maybe it was her hair, it was not long anymore. Or maybe I just felt so because I had met her after two months. In her room I saw a Teddy Bear. “His name is Peaches”, she said quietly. I felt I was with a stranger. She seemed quieter, distant. “You have become fairer, and taller too.” I grew red. “I shall see you in the park tomorrow”, I said. “No, I am going to be with my friends from school – Shalu and Kim.” “Oh.” I felt I couldn’t breathe. I said bye, and left. When I reached home, my parents were waiting there for me. I was pleasantly surprised. “Son, we are going to be in a different town next month. It’s just like Nanital, in the mountains. You will love it there.” I didn’t respond. I went down to my basement, and cried. I felt so alone.

I would go to her house every evening till I was there, but she would always be out. Her mother still gave me biscuits and I waited, but she would be back late, and was taciturn with me around. I broke the news to her one day, and she showed no emotion. I expected the reaction. Finally it was my last day there. I wanted to hug her and cry, wanted her to ask me to stay. But her cool expression stopped me. I was on my way, to the mountains, back to solitude. But she remains with me still, in my dreams, in the castles, the princess …